That's a thought- i've been thinking lately of finally writing, and self-publishing via some e-books source, my anthology of stories entitled "multifarious meandering contemplations". This book has been the plan for years upon years. The stories have changed, and aren't necessarily all very good, but the idea is the same for the book. At any rate, maybe a real-life fairy tale will be included.
Life lately has been delightful, thank God!! (praise God!!) (for all!!). It's been a long time since i posted, and for this i do apologize.
Life is moving. God's regulated my emotions, is teaching me lessons all the time, is graceful, kind, merciful, and loving. Life is good.
Bubs has been doing incredibly well of late. Mom is doing well too. He is out of school, which means she gets to stay home.
i wanted to post, and have been meaning to post for some time, about this moment i had, at the Good Friday service. See, mom came to the good Friday service at the Methodist church with me. (She also made it to the sunrise service in the park, but i couldn't quite talk her into attending any others.) While sitting there, next to her, i got like a flash of perspective, a brief moment of clarity. It occurred to me that i could do this, happily. That maybe my calling in life is to be a caregiver, to care for mommy as long as God blesses me with her and then, should she pass on, to care for others. There was a moment of feeling it would be entirely okay if i never got married, i could see myself caring for mom and then fostering or adopting, and just devoting my life to caring, and serving God in that way.
Sometimes i worry that i put her and bubby first, that i love her too much. Then i pray, asking God's forgiveness for this, asking His help in allowing me to put Him first, and asking that He still let me keep them (and others) and love them (and others) in my life, just in a secondary position.
After that first flash, there was a secondary one. There is an older widower who often stops to see mom and i (often as in occasionally). He's a sweet man, though it can be difficult to please him at times, but he's lonely, and has a good heart. i told bubs i was thinking of buying him a throw-a-way cell phone, so he could call for help if he needed to and didn't have a home phone. Bubs made a comment about me adopting another elderly person. Why not??
Now i can't say for certain that this is what i'm to do. That's God's decision, not mine. All i can do is pray that He helps me to do as He wants, for forgives me when i don't.
It isn't either that i don't want to be married. Sometimes i long for romantic love, same as anyone else. Still, i think sometimes my desire for this isn't as strong as many others, just as i think (and thank God!!) that i don't struggle with sexual sin temptation as much as many others, and just as i don't have that nagging hankering for my own children that so many women my age seem to have.
There's a chance that none of this is really making sense. i guess it boils down to the thought that there might be a chance that the husband and kids life isn't in my future, and there might be a chance that i'm okay with that. As for my old plan of just befriending a priest or someone who would provide me with the support and tangible male benefits that a good guy friend gives without the sexual/romantic ickiness, i had an amusing realization about that too. God's provided that, in bubs. God is good.
Thanks God and praise God (for all!!)!!.
