Doing even the simplest tasks can become very complicated when dealing with dementia. Take my current search for a lawn mower. Our lawn has become a small jungle, since our last mower, which i could never get to start and keep going for an entire lawn, died. So, me being the quasi-hippie i am, i decided that i wanted to buy a reel mower- the old fashioned kind that you push (and you never have to start). They're green, they're more fun, they're quiet, they don't spew chunks of debris at ferocious speeds, they don't spout noxious fumes, and did i mention that you never have to start them? i have an issue with starting mowers.
So, in my previous life, this experience might have gone something like this:
1.) online research into mowers
2.) call around to see if anyone local sells mowers
3.) make decision as to location; buy mower.
4.) mow lawn.
Now, it goes something like this:
1.) online research into mowers (while mom walks around me trying to get me to do other things because she's bored.)
2.) tell mom to get ready, we'll go see if (local small town) has a mower, or we will drive to (local city) to get one. (This helps with the boredom.)
3.) attempt to call around to see if anyone local sells mower, while mom asks for help cleaning her feet, asks me who i'm talking to (she's certain she knows them, and likely she does), and insists, repeatedly, that we do not need a new mower. She just paid for one. We have one, too. Downstairs. We do not need a mower. Why aren't we driving there? Don't call, let's just drive. Why do we have to go. Can we go? What are we going for again?
4.) Find local distributor who can order a mower, slightly more expensive than chain store mower, but online reviews claim it handles very tall grass (which we have). It can be ordered likely to arrive in a day or two.
5.) Drive to order mower. (Mom insists this needs to be done in person.) Stand and smile as she asks a million times (hyperbole) what we are doing, try not to seem domineering as i insist that we do need one and proceed to try to order it over her protests. Smile as she chats up the store clerk, and, invariably, asks them to find me a man.
6. ) Wait for mower to come in. Repeat step five, only with picking up mower not ordering mower. Continue to smile as she tells them she should have known better than to have me and asks them to find me a man.
7.) Mow lawn.
Steps 5-7 haven't occurred yet, but likely will in the near future, as, though it's 20 dollars or so more expensive, i think i will go with small local distributor. The mower rates well, the people know us, and i like to help out the small local guy. (quasi hippie, remember?)
Or, take my morning, which in the past might have gone thus:
1.)Wake up to a phone call about youth group business.
2.)Do youth group business.
3.)Facebook slightly (relieves frustration).
4.)Do devotions
5.)Walk dog
6.)Eat
Wake up to a phone call about youth group business. Go to computer to deal with business. Tell mom, repeatedly, that i am doing youth group business. Deal with business. Check facebook briefly, until mom mentions to the dog that it's time to walk. Once this occurs, it's time for a walk- no questions asked.
Walk. This goes pleasantly. Mom takes the leash for much of the walk. Return to house to read devotions (normally done before walk, but youth group business messed things up.) Tell mom dog just got a walk, and does not need another one so soon.
Read just a little before mom becomes convinced that she dropped something out of her pants, and needs to go back over walking route to check. Assure her that she will be taken if she can just wait until Bible reading is done. She goes out alone........
......... and comes back in with something in a piece of towel. Finish Bible reading quickly (was very near the end at this point anyway) and go outside at her insistence to inspect towel contents. Assure her it did not come from her, take it out of potted plant where she deposits it, and throw it away. Insist she washes hands; concede the soap part as a defeat.
Walk back around the block with mom and dog (she invited him again) to make really sure that she did not drop something out of her pants. Look at spots she points out (leaves, tar, stains, etc.) to assure her they did not come from her. Tell her, repeatedly, not to touch random stuff on road. Watch as she does it anyway. Come home, and tell her to wash hands. Lose that battle, chasing her outback and insisting she not touch the clean clothes pins until she does. Give up, go get antibacterial hand wipe for her.
Go with family to get food (as mom really likes to drive to nearby town). Differentiate between the really old sub she found in car (totally didn't know she stashed it there) and the sub she bought today, based on vegetable content. Pray she didn't eat the old sub before she showed it to me.
Okay, she's waited long enough while i wrote this. She is getting antsy. So off to order mower.
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