God is good, life is hard, don't get the two confused.

There's a certain degree of loneliness that comes of being a caregiver. It becomes a strain on friendships. Only true friends really want to hear the answer to the question, "how is your mom", when the answer is a long and technical litany of doctor's visits and medical symptoms. Even those who are interested in jumping through that hoop, may become frustrated when every phone call is interrupted multiple times by interjections to someone else. Then there are the problems with making social plans: the ability to only schedule activities when proper arrangements can be made, or when she can come along, the alteration of plans to accommodate this, the tendency to change or cancel plans at the last minute when it is a bad day, and the need to make outings short and ending prior to medicine time can all lead to an unwillingness to make plans at all. Some friends don't want to visit my house. Things were fine when i could visit theirs all the time, but the situation simply cannot be reversed. i find myself staying home much of the time, not necessarily by choice as people stop creating and following though with plans with me, and bonding with mothers, who might understand these factors. i find myself wondering where my friends went, and why they seem less interested in seeing me. it hurts a bit. i find myself longing for a romantic interest again, and struggling to remember that God may one day find and send a man willing to accept all this, despite how impossible it may seem now.

you have superficial relationships, and maybe some closer relationships. and, in my case, i have some very close ones as well, but many of them are far away.

i remember, however, that God is there. He has never left me, and He won't. He is alright with my life, and my plans, and is always interested in the details. He is always interested in spending time with me, and in hearing my voice. He will always help me out. He will always be my rock and comfort. He will always love me. He is all. He is all i need. And maybe, just maybe, He will fulfill my earthly desires for human companionship as well.

and sometimes, especially at night, when i see her sleeping in bed, and she looks at me, and thanks me, and tells me how much she loves me, i realize once again how incredibly worth it all of it, including the loneliness, is.

Thank You God for all!!!!!!! Please, Father, help us with all!!!!!!!!!!