Look over there. See that woman there, the epitome of Christmas card domesticity? Her gifts are wrapped under her elegantly garlanded tree, her family is downstairs eagerly awaiting the fresh breakfast she is cooking at nine am, the house is sparkling, the stockings are opened, there are carols playing softly on the radio and she surveys yet another picture postcard Christmas. That's not me- i'm over there. No, not that woman either, the one who has the slightly less clean house, and the slightly less well behaved children slavishly munching down chocolate before breakfast. No, see instead the woman frantically plunging the bathroom sink with the toilet plunger, still dressed in her pajamas, crinkling her nose at the nasty odor wafting from the bowels of the pipes, just trying to get the sink to drain enough for her elderly aunt's use later. She is left to clean the house in preparation of the bid visit, whilst her brother and mom pick up the guest of honor. This was a hard won battle, amidst yelling and swearing, and, admittedly, a complete emotional breakdown on the part of the would be plumber, but the house now quiet save for the sploosh and splash of the water, the cats, and the dog. The presents are as of yet unwrapped. This woman is me, and i recognize that probably more women are this woman on Christmas day than the first. See, the emotional breakdown was largely due to the fact that i had spent weeks trying to get things ready in advance, off and on, so that i wouldn't feel rushed and stressed. i was trying for a postcard Christmas, not perfect mind you, but nice and stress free. Then i overslept, and didn't get up and get things done as planned. This left me behind, stressed, and guilty. Anyone who knows me well, knows that guilt is one of my chief emotions, and it is probably all of these emotions rolled up which sparked the emotional explosion. Yes, i think at least one wall was punched.
Here's the thing, though, which is what i was considering as i plunged the sink. (It cleared, thank and praise God! (for all!)!) There are probably so many women like me that morning, upset because they didn't create the perfect Christmas for their family, that lost sight of what Christmas is all about! Christmas is about Jesus's gift, God's gift, the birth of a holy Baby, and salvation eternal. All of the trappings. the trees, tinsel, and family time, are blessings of God, and i'm very grateful for them! When we obsess, however, over them to the point that we aren't enjoying ourselves because we are trying so hard to achieve that certain level of holiday beauty which will allow us to enjoy ourselves, well, we're kind of missing the boat.
God showed me this over a plunger. Praise Him!
By the way, that Christmas turned out to be wonderful! By the time they all arrived, the house was clean enough, the sink drained, and everyone was in a better mood. We ate the annual brunch, washed dishes, visited with a visiting widower mom knows, ate tofurkey, watched the parade from Disney with a wide eyed aunt, and overall thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Thank God, praise God for all!!!!!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Thursday, November 11, 2010
cause nine months is too long,
i've decided to move the novel to my old writing journal, at http://jaels-game.livejournal.com/ i didn't want to clog this journal up with a novel. go there, go, go. :).
Monday, November 8, 2010
just an everyday girl.....,
Well, i'm not sure how to attach files, so i'll post the next installment here like the rest.
This, she knew, was why she had such trouble getting and keeping interns. The last one she had with any staying power had left during the rebellion. Holi couldn't blame her, she knew she had left to follow her partner. Her blind devotion was reminiscent of her relationship with Deborah when they were young; despite the distances of adulthood, she supposed, it was still reminiscent of their relationship.
“Are you going to speak?” she asked the now silent interruption, never looking up from her work. “There's a man outside, looking for mother.” “Assuredly, my dear, under this mask I do not look like Mother.” There was a particularly difficult connection that was troubling her, the electronic synapses that functioned the scent receptors. This was necessary for the medicine to accurately identify the poison from the good tissue, but each pill would disintegrate after only one use due to the receptor's introduction to the corrosive liquid.
“yes, I know. When the guard at the gate informed him that mother would not see him, however, he asked for her partner. When she informed him that mother didn't have a partner, he insisted that he see the woman in the mask then. Keturah thought he must know you then, and called in.”
“You don't need to be someone important to know I wear a mask.”
she was toying with an organic compound that might act as a resin covering the receptors. It was delicate work applying it however. “Tell him to call in and make an appointment if he wants to hire our services.”
“That's what Keturah told him. He is refusing to leave though. He keeps saying that if we would only tell you or mother that it's Daniel, you will see him.”
“i know many daniel's. I don't particularly care to see any of them right now.” there, the resin was applied, and once it dried it would be placed in a tank of acid to ascertain durability. Finally, she turned to look at her assistant. She could see the girl cringing slightly, and made a mental note to replace her. Assistants weren't useful if they were visibly afraid of you. That was part of why she had first bonded so with Vashti, who had seen through her from the start. She remembered the first time she'd met the girl, only eleven. She had come for a physical, looked at her with large inquisitive eyes, and queried, “why do you think people are afraid of you?” “amused by the question, she had responded, 'I guess because i'm scary.” “well”, and it was here that she became first acquainted with the mischievous smile she would later know so well, “i don't think so. So i'm not going to be scared. i've decided to like you, and .i don't change my mind.” “We shall see,” holi had intoned ominously, but inside she'd been delighted. It had been her plan to make Vashti her assistant, but the girl had proven so adept at the family's greater work that she couldn't be spared. Instead, slowly, Holi had grown to love her almost as a daughter. She could still see her, as she grew, perching on the edge of the exam table, ebony hair thrown back carelessly and eyes afire with excitement as she described the intimate details of her last night's work. Or smiling slyly as she purposely teased Holi, and then laughing outright as she pulled a flung knife from the wall. “How do you not react at all when I do that,” Holi had asked one night, deftly catching the hilt on the engraved piece Vashti tossed back. She liked to throw knives, when she was truly angry it vented frustration and when she was in a good mood it was fine sport. Yet even Deborah flinched ever so slightly, after all their years of partnership. It was human. Vashti, however, did not, and this puzzled the scientist within her. “i know, Hols, that you would never hurt me. So I don't need to be afraid.” With that she'd jumped off the table, and kissed the cold glass of Holi's cheek. “i'm wiped though. Best off to sleep with me, more death and destruction tomorrow.” In her memory, Oholibah froze that moment for the thousandth time, examining the careless wave and wide smile for any sign, any glimpse she'd missed of what was to come. For the thousandth time, she saw none.
“Doctor?” Few in the family received the honor of knowing her name. Her culture believed in hiding faces and real names from all but the closest family and friends. Though she'd abandoned her people and planet years ago, she could bring herself to abandon the culture that had identified her during her young life. At the moment, the fact that this particular whelp's strident and nervous tones had shattered her private revelry not only reinforced the idea that this girl would never be in that private circle, but also solidified her resolution to replace her as soon as possible. Which wouldn't make mother very happy; she'd passed her on to Holi partially because the girl was a very inept fighter. “What do you want me to do? How do we make someone leave, when he won't?”
Holi clenched her jaw, almost tangibly swallowing the caustic retort, “you're a member of the universe's most feared assassin clan. It's sad that you have no recourse for convincing someone to leave.” Instead she stood, deciding that to get out of her new assistant's presence at the moment was probably in both of their best interests. “Tell Keturah that i'll be right there.”
Chapter 4
Daniel tried to squelch the shudders threatening to course through his frame. He shouldn't have come, but he had felt a face to face meeting would be his best chance of success. Still, though he had known what Deborah did, he had never had to face it. Standing here, facing down a young woman who he knew would need no gun to stop him if he made one wrong move, he wondered if this might be the stupidest move he had ever made. He looked at the slick black sphere in front of him, completely smooth, unmarred by any visible window or door. It was clearly intended to disconcert anyone who came, as was the tall woman glaring at him, her uniform appearance of black mask and suit stripping her of any visible humanity. Logically, he could reason that were she a senior member she wouldn't have acted as uncertain as she had thus far in their interactions. Then again, logically, he knew that even the most inexperienced sisters could kill him before he could protest. The best could do it before he even thought to be afraid.
The girl, clad in a form fitting black leather with no adornments and the black tiger's head mask which fueled so many nightmares, suddenly spoke. He knew she was not speaking to him, as she spoke in a language Deborah had once told him no one in the galaxy could speak but the sisters. He had asked how she knew no one had ever cracked it, teasing. She had replied, deadpan, that anyone who had was already dead, and this kept most others from even trying. Even the girls voice was designed to instill fear, low and monotone, processed carefully through the mask to allow room for no emotion, no human connection. He shuddered again when this voice was suddenly directed to him, in the common language.
“One of our leaders is coming to see you. If mother doesn't know you as well as you say, I would flee prior to her arrival.”
“i ought to have fled long ago,” he chuckled wryly.
“Probably.” She responded, shrugging her shoulders noncommittally. He knew her nonchalance wasn't feigned. To her, he felt certain, it made no difference whether he lived or died. She had tried to warn him. Ignoring this was his choice.
If he had thought before that he was frightened, the apparition which emerged a moment later through a hole which seemingly materialized in mid air convinced him that he hadn't known what the emotion was. She was dressed exactly as the guard had been, except for the mask. Where the tigers head normally was, a black hood attached to velvet cloak, and hung low over a shadowed face. When her head lifted, to peruse him, though, was when his stomach dropped. In place of a face was a pure white canvas, molded in the shape of a human visage but lacking the distinguishing markers of humanity. The effect was as of a marble statue come to life, solid and unfeeling. “Sister.” Even in speech, though the marble lips parted, no throat shone through. Her voice was the same as the others, dry, inhuman. “Doctor.” The girl responded. “Is this the man?” She had turned away from him, and spoke of him as if he weren't there. He didn't dare argue. “Yes, doctor. He claims mother will want to speak with him.” “Do we allow people to walk in and demand to see us?” He could, for the first time, see emotion from the girl, as she shirked away in what must be fear. “No, doctor.” He felt there must be a reason why the more senior member was speaking the basic language, probably to humiliate the girl in front of him. “It is good that this man is not dangerous. If he were, and you left him within our perimeter, it would not be him you had to fear.” “Yes, doctor.” “Now alert the family that we have a non-hostile who will be escorted through the halls between the gate and mother's office.” “Yes, doctor.” Only then did the statue turn his direction. “You are fortunate, sir, that it was not someone more experienced on guard duty today. Come with me.” With that, she turned and disappeared. For just a moment, Daniel wondered if he really wanted to follow her into the blackness. Muttering a prayer under his breath, he walked through the door.
This, she knew, was why she had such trouble getting and keeping interns. The last one she had with any staying power had left during the rebellion. Holi couldn't blame her, she knew she had left to follow her partner. Her blind devotion was reminiscent of her relationship with Deborah when they were young; despite the distances of adulthood, she supposed, it was still reminiscent of their relationship.
“Are you going to speak?” she asked the now silent interruption, never looking up from her work. “There's a man outside, looking for mother.” “Assuredly, my dear, under this mask I do not look like Mother.” There was a particularly difficult connection that was troubling her, the electronic synapses that functioned the scent receptors. This was necessary for the medicine to accurately identify the poison from the good tissue, but each pill would disintegrate after only one use due to the receptor's introduction to the corrosive liquid.
“yes, I know. When the guard at the gate informed him that mother would not see him, however, he asked for her partner. When she informed him that mother didn't have a partner, he insisted that he see the woman in the mask then. Keturah thought he must know you then, and called in.”
“You don't need to be someone important to know I wear a mask.”
she was toying with an organic compound that might act as a resin covering the receptors. It was delicate work applying it however. “Tell him to call in and make an appointment if he wants to hire our services.”
“That's what Keturah told him. He is refusing to leave though. He keeps saying that if we would only tell you or mother that it's Daniel, you will see him.”
“i know many daniel's. I don't particularly care to see any of them right now.” there, the resin was applied, and once it dried it would be placed in a tank of acid to ascertain durability. Finally, she turned to look at her assistant. She could see the girl cringing slightly, and made a mental note to replace her. Assistants weren't useful if they were visibly afraid of you. That was part of why she had first bonded so with Vashti, who had seen through her from the start. She remembered the first time she'd met the girl, only eleven. She had come for a physical, looked at her with large inquisitive eyes, and queried, “why do you think people are afraid of you?” “amused by the question, she had responded, 'I guess because i'm scary.” “well”, and it was here that she became first acquainted with the mischievous smile she would later know so well, “i don't think so. So i'm not going to be scared. i've decided to like you, and .i don't change my mind.” “We shall see,” holi had intoned ominously, but inside she'd been delighted. It had been her plan to make Vashti her assistant, but the girl had proven so adept at the family's greater work that she couldn't be spared. Instead, slowly, Holi had grown to love her almost as a daughter. She could still see her, as she grew, perching on the edge of the exam table, ebony hair thrown back carelessly and eyes afire with excitement as she described the intimate details of her last night's work. Or smiling slyly as she purposely teased Holi, and then laughing outright as she pulled a flung knife from the wall. “How do you not react at all when I do that,” Holi had asked one night, deftly catching the hilt on the engraved piece Vashti tossed back. She liked to throw knives, when she was truly angry it vented frustration and when she was in a good mood it was fine sport. Yet even Deborah flinched ever so slightly, after all their years of partnership. It was human. Vashti, however, did not, and this puzzled the scientist within her. “i know, Hols, that you would never hurt me. So I don't need to be afraid.” With that she'd jumped off the table, and kissed the cold glass of Holi's cheek. “i'm wiped though. Best off to sleep with me, more death and destruction tomorrow.” In her memory, Oholibah froze that moment for the thousandth time, examining the careless wave and wide smile for any sign, any glimpse she'd missed of what was to come. For the thousandth time, she saw none.
“Doctor?” Few in the family received the honor of knowing her name. Her culture believed in hiding faces and real names from all but the closest family and friends. Though she'd abandoned her people and planet years ago, she could bring herself to abandon the culture that had identified her during her young life. At the moment, the fact that this particular whelp's strident and nervous tones had shattered her private revelry not only reinforced the idea that this girl would never be in that private circle, but also solidified her resolution to replace her as soon as possible. Which wouldn't make mother very happy; she'd passed her on to Holi partially because the girl was a very inept fighter. “What do you want me to do? How do we make someone leave, when he won't?”
Holi clenched her jaw, almost tangibly swallowing the caustic retort, “you're a member of the universe's most feared assassin clan. It's sad that you have no recourse for convincing someone to leave.” Instead she stood, deciding that to get out of her new assistant's presence at the moment was probably in both of their best interests. “Tell Keturah that i'll be right there.”
Chapter 4
Daniel tried to squelch the shudders threatening to course through his frame. He shouldn't have come, but he had felt a face to face meeting would be his best chance of success. Still, though he had known what Deborah did, he had never had to face it. Standing here, facing down a young woman who he knew would need no gun to stop him if he made one wrong move, he wondered if this might be the stupidest move he had ever made. He looked at the slick black sphere in front of him, completely smooth, unmarred by any visible window or door. It was clearly intended to disconcert anyone who came, as was the tall woman glaring at him, her uniform appearance of black mask and suit stripping her of any visible humanity. Logically, he could reason that were she a senior member she wouldn't have acted as uncertain as she had thus far in their interactions. Then again, logically, he knew that even the most inexperienced sisters could kill him before he could protest. The best could do it before he even thought to be afraid.
The girl, clad in a form fitting black leather with no adornments and the black tiger's head mask which fueled so many nightmares, suddenly spoke. He knew she was not speaking to him, as she spoke in a language Deborah had once told him no one in the galaxy could speak but the sisters. He had asked how she knew no one had ever cracked it, teasing. She had replied, deadpan, that anyone who had was already dead, and this kept most others from even trying. Even the girls voice was designed to instill fear, low and monotone, processed carefully through the mask to allow room for no emotion, no human connection. He shuddered again when this voice was suddenly directed to him, in the common language.
“One of our leaders is coming to see you. If mother doesn't know you as well as you say, I would flee prior to her arrival.”
“i ought to have fled long ago,” he chuckled wryly.
“Probably.” She responded, shrugging her shoulders noncommittally. He knew her nonchalance wasn't feigned. To her, he felt certain, it made no difference whether he lived or died. She had tried to warn him. Ignoring this was his choice.
If he had thought before that he was frightened, the apparition which emerged a moment later through a hole which seemingly materialized in mid air convinced him that he hadn't known what the emotion was. She was dressed exactly as the guard had been, except for the mask. Where the tigers head normally was, a black hood attached to velvet cloak, and hung low over a shadowed face. When her head lifted, to peruse him, though, was when his stomach dropped. In place of a face was a pure white canvas, molded in the shape of a human visage but lacking the distinguishing markers of humanity. The effect was as of a marble statue come to life, solid and unfeeling. “Sister.” Even in speech, though the marble lips parted, no throat shone through. Her voice was the same as the others, dry, inhuman. “Doctor.” The girl responded. “Is this the man?” She had turned away from him, and spoke of him as if he weren't there. He didn't dare argue. “Yes, doctor. He claims mother will want to speak with him.” “Do we allow people to walk in and demand to see us?” He could, for the first time, see emotion from the girl, as she shirked away in what must be fear. “No, doctor.” He felt there must be a reason why the more senior member was speaking the basic language, probably to humiliate the girl in front of him. “It is good that this man is not dangerous. If he were, and you left him within our perimeter, it would not be him you had to fear.” “Yes, doctor.” “Now alert the family that we have a non-hostile who will be escorted through the halls between the gate and mother's office.” “Yes, doctor.” Only then did the statue turn his direction. “You are fortunate, sir, that it was not someone more experienced on guard duty today. Come with me.” With that, she turned and disappeared. For just a moment, Daniel wondered if he really wanted to follow her into the blackness. Muttering a prayer under his breath, he walked through the door.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
i wanna be a toys r us kid.....
"i'm sorry dan. i'm just worried." walking around the edge of his desk, she settled gingerly onto the arm of the large wingtip office chair the kids had bought him as a Christmas present two years ago. It was old, and hideous green, with tufts of fluff sticking out on the edge of each arm. Still, he loved it. If they had to move, it would be the one piece of furniture he personally would try to bring with him. He had acquired very little by way of personal belongings through the years, and even less he would be unwilling to part with. If it came to it, they would use what little ability they had to carry items with them to allow each child to bring two items. That had already been decided. He just hoped they wouldn't have to come to that.
He looked over at his friend and partner of the last fifteen years. Mara was no nonsense, no frills. Preferring coveralls and flannel to fine lace and skirts, her hair lay in a perpetual messy bun, cinnamon strands framing her face in a wild array. She had been his closest companion in the work he felt he had been called to do. She put God first. She loved the kids ardently, and had no problem either hanging up drywall or bandaging bruised knees. She should have been his perfect mate, and sometimes he wondered why she wasn't, why things hadn't worked out differently. He knew she wondered as well.
"So what do you want to do?" he patted her hand gently, then leaned slightly away, guarding himself against the intimacy of the moment as he was careful to do a dozen times a day. He knew she caught the motion and knew it disappointed her but, as was her wont dealt with it stoically. "Is there anything we can do. They said they would come to claim our property in a week. They have no right, but we have no defense. If we try to fight them off, we are certain to put the kids in danger. If we are killed, they will be worse off than if they are displaced. We have to move, but we have no place to send the kids while we set up a new site. They will have to go back to their families, or to the streets. We'll regather them as soon as we can, if we can."
"Maybe we could fight them off if we had help." This was spoken almost to himself. he rose, looking off into the distance, and stood lost in thought for a long moment, then shook his head slightly and focused on her. "You know, don't you, how much you mean to me, even though though there can't be an us. You and the kids are the only ones i would do this for." "Do what?" "You'll see if it works." He kissed the top of her head gently, then backed away. "i'm going to be gone for a few days. Take care of things here." Before she could say any more, he walked from the room.
Chapter 3
Oholibah was humming softly to herself, doing her favorite hobby in her favorite place, when her new assistant walked into the room. It took less than two seconds for the knife to leave her hand, another second for it to lodge securely into the wall a hairsbreadth from the girl's shoulder. "If no one is bleeding, i suggest you rethink your decision to come in here," she said, never looking up from her work. She was coming off of a four hour surgery on a sister's broken leg, a messy compound fracture which had severed the arteries of the girl's thigh on its way through the skin. She had decided that work that tedious warranted some relaxation, and had retired to her lab. Spread out before her was the latest imagining of the mechanical bugs which served to help keep Vashti alive. Vashti was the closest thing she'd ever had to a daughter, and since ingesting the poison intended for her betrothed, her health was tenuous at best. The poison hadn't killed her, due tot he genetic modifications she underwent to work as a poison tester in early childhood. That had bought enough time for Oholibah to arrive, and in time she had managed to flush it from Vashti's system, but not until after it had done severe damage. Many of the vital membranes of her body were thinned, leading to a danger of internal bleeding, and any but the slightest contact on most of her body resulted in bruising. Vashti said it was good that God had made her a good fighter, and it was true that most people's inability to actually land a blow upon her was a blessing. Still, the world was full of dangers to someone with skin of glass. Oholibah had invented, then, these mechanical pills, small bugs really which were programed to travel through her system and repair any damage they came across.
He looked over at his friend and partner of the last fifteen years. Mara was no nonsense, no frills. Preferring coveralls and flannel to fine lace and skirts, her hair lay in a perpetual messy bun, cinnamon strands framing her face in a wild array. She had been his closest companion in the work he felt he had been called to do. She put God first. She loved the kids ardently, and had no problem either hanging up drywall or bandaging bruised knees. She should have been his perfect mate, and sometimes he wondered why she wasn't, why things hadn't worked out differently. He knew she wondered as well.
"So what do you want to do?" he patted her hand gently, then leaned slightly away, guarding himself against the intimacy of the moment as he was careful to do a dozen times a day. He knew she caught the motion and knew it disappointed her but, as was her wont dealt with it stoically. "Is there anything we can do. They said they would come to claim our property in a week. They have no right, but we have no defense. If we try to fight them off, we are certain to put the kids in danger. If we are killed, they will be worse off than if they are displaced. We have to move, but we have no place to send the kids while we set up a new site. They will have to go back to their families, or to the streets. We'll regather them as soon as we can, if we can."
"Maybe we could fight them off if we had help." This was spoken almost to himself. he rose, looking off into the distance, and stood lost in thought for a long moment, then shook his head slightly and focused on her. "You know, don't you, how much you mean to me, even though though there can't be an us. You and the kids are the only ones i would do this for." "Do what?" "You'll see if it works." He kissed the top of her head gently, then backed away. "i'm going to be gone for a few days. Take care of things here." Before she could say any more, he walked from the room.
Chapter 3
Oholibah was humming softly to herself, doing her favorite hobby in her favorite place, when her new assistant walked into the room. It took less than two seconds for the knife to leave her hand, another second for it to lodge securely into the wall a hairsbreadth from the girl's shoulder. "If no one is bleeding, i suggest you rethink your decision to come in here," she said, never looking up from her work. She was coming off of a four hour surgery on a sister's broken leg, a messy compound fracture which had severed the arteries of the girl's thigh on its way through the skin. She had decided that work that tedious warranted some relaxation, and had retired to her lab. Spread out before her was the latest imagining of the mechanical bugs which served to help keep Vashti alive. Vashti was the closest thing she'd ever had to a daughter, and since ingesting the poison intended for her betrothed, her health was tenuous at best. The poison hadn't killed her, due tot he genetic modifications she underwent to work as a poison tester in early childhood. That had bought enough time for Oholibah to arrive, and in time she had managed to flush it from Vashti's system, but not until after it had done severe damage. Many of the vital membranes of her body were thinned, leading to a danger of internal bleeding, and any but the slightest contact on most of her body resulted in bruising. Vashti said it was good that God had made her a good fighter, and it was true that most people's inability to actually land a blow upon her was a blessing. Still, the world was full of dangers to someone with skin of glass. Oholibah had invented, then, these mechanical pills, small bugs really which were programed to travel through her system and repair any damage they came across.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
rain all day.....
Okay, so i'm going to at least start this novel experience here. :). at least, Lord willing, that's the plan. there's a few reasons for this, one of the largest being that i know v reads this, and she was my novel friend while traveling. please note, though, that the point of this experience is supposed to be quick and dirty writing, not a lot of polishing. so if it's not so amazing, don't judge me. ;OD. okay, thank and praise God (for all)!!!!!!!!!! and Lord willing all is good, and awaaaay we go. :OD.
chapter 1
She wasn't much for boys, actually. She knew what they were like, underneath all the flirtatious games and macho posturing. She knew how they acted once they had completed their mission, conquered their game. Boys were hunters, and she prided herself on never being hunted anymore. No, she wasn't much for boys at all. Still, she played along with these bar nights, with the dressing up and scoping out the most prime examples of physical beauty. She batted her eyelashes and asked for drinks. She played the game, and played it wholeheartedly for as much as she disliked the male species in general, she loved Deborah. These nights out made Deborah happy, and she would have done far worse things to please Deborah, had done far worse things in the name of sisterhood. It was, after all, the least she could do.
It had been Deborah who had first found her after her self-imposed exile. That technically wasn't true she supposed, the logical part of her brain hated to ever state something as fact which wasn't, in the most literal sense, a fact. She had been seen by dozens, probably hundreds, of others that day two years ago. Wandering the streets, dirty, disoriented, empty, virtually catatonic, she had been living on the streets at that point for a week. Unused to hard living, she was sick and hungry. She had taken nothing from home but what she was wearing, a medical book from her dad's library, and 50 credits. Like an idiot she had thought that would get her far. Passage to the nearest planet took most of it, and food the first two days had taken the rest. She had stolen a knife to protect herself with, and spent her nights hiding in strategic locations, and her days wandering. The knife had been only an instinctual thing, actually, as was the process of rising and walking each day. Long after logical thought had been suppressed, her survival instincts tenaciously insisted on remaining, her subconscious clinging ardently to the frame holding it. She didn't want to feel, but she could not cease to be. So she wandered, and occasionally heard the voices around her wager on how long the poor girl would last.
It was during the heat of the day that she first saw the black form from the corner of her eye. She had always been observant, and had an insatiable curiosity. Without meaning to, she found herself turning to follow the form, but it was gone.
Later, Deborah had told her that it was this attention which, in turn, had caused her to take notice to the life below. Deborah was good at her job, and her job was invisibility. For someone to see her was disturbing. She had an assignment, but after its completion she had followed the girl the locals had begun to call the "doctor". She needed to know if she was a threat. Instead of danger, she saw need and made the rash decision to bring the girl home. She had devoted time to bringing her back from the nothingness into which she had climbed, gave her a family, skills, and a mission. The girls became partners, and later best friends.
"Hello, Hols, you in there?" Always chipper on these nights out, light and carefree, Deborah was laughing as she interrupted the memory.
"Sorry, I was just thinking about when we met. I phased out." Deborah laughed at Oholibah for her blunt frankness, and the tendency to say what she wanted regardless of social convention. "What were you saying?"
"What about him? The one with the bangs, over on the end. I think he's checking me out, and you know I won't entertain anyone who doesn't pass your creep radar."
"They're all creeps." Deborah just laughed.
"He appears to be less creepy than most, though. Look at him, he's actually blushing looking over here. He's also clutching his glass- he's obviously uncomfortable in this environment. My guess is he's here only under pressure from his friend there. I'd say he has more to worry about from you."
"My favorite kind of game. Do you think he's cute?"
"Yeah, he's cute enough, though he's not my type."
"Hols, we've been friends since you were sixteen, and I have yet to discover what your type is." Deborah started to swing her long legs off the bar stool, and brushed her thick chestnut curls back over her shoulder.
"It used to be tall, dark, and handsome. Now it's anyone who doesn't remind me of tall, dark and handsome." Holi responded wryly, climbing off her own stool.
"Come on, let's go watch you devour some poor innocent young boy." This was her role, as a devoted friend, playing wing girl to Deb, the consummate flirt. Nothing serious would result from the encounter, more than a casual fling did not sit well with the family. Still, Mother understood that young women in a high stress job needed to let off steam. What the girls did on their days off was their business, so long as it didn't follow them home.
"I never dance with anyone who isn't willing." Deb shot back with a laugh. "If he ends up devoured, it will be his choice."
The rest of the evening had progressed much like dozens of other nights. Deb, with her infectious personality, tall sinewy frame and ample curves had no trouble ensuring that her playmate went to his fate willingly. The two left for a walk around midnight, and Holi sat down to chat with his friend. In time they, too left. Holi didn't like boys, when they signaled relationships, but when she was the predator and it signified nothing, she was not adverse to dabbling in the game herself.
As was their habit, she met Deborah back at the ship promptly at five the next morning. They had work later in the day, and needed to get back. Mother became very cranky if her girls did not check in home before a job, and with plenty of time to prepare.
"So, how was it." Holi noticed right away that something was different this time. Debs face was practically glowing. Deb hadn't been an innocent child since she was eight, and normally her carefree glee was a veneer covering the steel which those closest to her knew was always lying just beneath. This time was different, however. She seemed genuinely radiant, as if she really didn't have a care in the world. It warmed Holi's heart to see.
"Oh, Hols, you have no idea."
"That good, huh?"
"No, it wasn't even like that. We talked Hols, just talked. It was amazing."
"It must have been, you're giggling like a schoolgirl."
Deb sat down in the pilot's chair, beginning the pre-flight steps from habit. Holi strapped herself into the chair next to her, engaging the nav system.
"Oh Hols, it was unbelievable. We started to kiss, and I tried to progress things. He stopped me. At first I was insulted, and started to stomp off. He called me back though, and said in this really soft gentle voice, 'Can't we just get to know each other first? You intrigue me.' We talked for the rest of the night, about everything." Holi glanced in her direction, raising her eyebrows and eliciting another giggle. "Okay, so obviously we didn't talk about everything. We must have talked about almost everything of no consequence, though. I felt, well, please don't take this the wrong way, but I felt like I was normal for a time. Don't get me wrong, I love my life and wouldn't change it for the world, you know that. Most eighteen year old girls haven't spent a decade doing this though, you know? It was nice, for just a few hours, to feel normal."
"I'm happy for you Deb. I really am."
As the atmosphere tinged the windshield orange, Deb broke the silence again, in a pleading tone she almost never used. "Hey Hols?" "Yeah." "Do you think we could come back next week?" "Whatever makes you happy, you know that." "Thanks Hols. Now let's plan for tonight's job." The rest of the trip was spent in the mapping out of the tricks of their trade.
Chapter 2
twenty years later
"What are we going to do?" Mara's voice could become shrill when she was nervous, and the pieces of shredded napkin littering the dull brown carpet belied the fact that she was very, very nervous. Not like Daniel wouldn't have known even without the tell tale tissue, he was certain that soon the carpet would be permanently worn into the pattern of her pacing. "They are just kids, Dan, and they have no where else to go. Do you know what will happen to those girls if they end up back on the street?"
"Yes, Mara, I know." burying his head in his hands, Daniel indulged in a momentary expression of frustration- tousling his hair, prematurely salt and pepper, roughly with his fingers.
chapter 1
She wasn't much for boys, actually. She knew what they were like, underneath all the flirtatious games and macho posturing. She knew how they acted once they had completed their mission, conquered their game. Boys were hunters, and she prided herself on never being hunted anymore. No, she wasn't much for boys at all. Still, she played along with these bar nights, with the dressing up and scoping out the most prime examples of physical beauty. She batted her eyelashes and asked for drinks. She played the game, and played it wholeheartedly for as much as she disliked the male species in general, she loved Deborah. These nights out made Deborah happy, and she would have done far worse things to please Deborah, had done far worse things in the name of sisterhood. It was, after all, the least she could do.
It had been Deborah who had first found her after her self-imposed exile. That technically wasn't true she supposed, the logical part of her brain hated to ever state something as fact which wasn't, in the most literal sense, a fact. She had been seen by dozens, probably hundreds, of others that day two years ago. Wandering the streets, dirty, disoriented, empty, virtually catatonic, she had been living on the streets at that point for a week. Unused to hard living, she was sick and hungry. She had taken nothing from home but what she was wearing, a medical book from her dad's library, and 50 credits. Like an idiot she had thought that would get her far. Passage to the nearest planet took most of it, and food the first two days had taken the rest. She had stolen a knife to protect herself with, and spent her nights hiding in strategic locations, and her days wandering. The knife had been only an instinctual thing, actually, as was the process of rising and walking each day. Long after logical thought had been suppressed, her survival instincts tenaciously insisted on remaining, her subconscious clinging ardently to the frame holding it. She didn't want to feel, but she could not cease to be. So she wandered, and occasionally heard the voices around her wager on how long the poor girl would last.
It was during the heat of the day that she first saw the black form from the corner of her eye. She had always been observant, and had an insatiable curiosity. Without meaning to, she found herself turning to follow the form, but it was gone.
Later, Deborah had told her that it was this attention which, in turn, had caused her to take notice to the life below. Deborah was good at her job, and her job was invisibility. For someone to see her was disturbing. She had an assignment, but after its completion she had followed the girl the locals had begun to call the "doctor". She needed to know if she was a threat. Instead of danger, she saw need and made the rash decision to bring the girl home. She had devoted time to bringing her back from the nothingness into which she had climbed, gave her a family, skills, and a mission. The girls became partners, and later best friends.
"Hello, Hols, you in there?" Always chipper on these nights out, light and carefree, Deborah was laughing as she interrupted the memory.
"Sorry, I was just thinking about when we met. I phased out." Deborah laughed at Oholibah for her blunt frankness, and the tendency to say what she wanted regardless of social convention. "What were you saying?"
"What about him? The one with the bangs, over on the end. I think he's checking me out, and you know I won't entertain anyone who doesn't pass your creep radar."
"They're all creeps." Deborah just laughed.
"He appears to be less creepy than most, though. Look at him, he's actually blushing looking over here. He's also clutching his glass- he's obviously uncomfortable in this environment. My guess is he's here only under pressure from his friend there. I'd say he has more to worry about from you."
"My favorite kind of game. Do you think he's cute?"
"Yeah, he's cute enough, though he's not my type."
"Hols, we've been friends since you were sixteen, and I have yet to discover what your type is." Deborah started to swing her long legs off the bar stool, and brushed her thick chestnut curls back over her shoulder.
"It used to be tall, dark, and handsome. Now it's anyone who doesn't remind me of tall, dark and handsome." Holi responded wryly, climbing off her own stool.
"Come on, let's go watch you devour some poor innocent young boy." This was her role, as a devoted friend, playing wing girl to Deb, the consummate flirt. Nothing serious would result from the encounter, more than a casual fling did not sit well with the family. Still, Mother understood that young women in a high stress job needed to let off steam. What the girls did on their days off was their business, so long as it didn't follow them home.
"I never dance with anyone who isn't willing." Deb shot back with a laugh. "If he ends up devoured, it will be his choice."
The rest of the evening had progressed much like dozens of other nights. Deb, with her infectious personality, tall sinewy frame and ample curves had no trouble ensuring that her playmate went to his fate willingly. The two left for a walk around midnight, and Holi sat down to chat with his friend. In time they, too left. Holi didn't like boys, when they signaled relationships, but when she was the predator and it signified nothing, she was not adverse to dabbling in the game herself.
As was their habit, she met Deborah back at the ship promptly at five the next morning. They had work later in the day, and needed to get back. Mother became very cranky if her girls did not check in home before a job, and with plenty of time to prepare.
"So, how was it." Holi noticed right away that something was different this time. Debs face was practically glowing. Deb hadn't been an innocent child since she was eight, and normally her carefree glee was a veneer covering the steel which those closest to her knew was always lying just beneath. This time was different, however. She seemed genuinely radiant, as if she really didn't have a care in the world. It warmed Holi's heart to see.
"Oh, Hols, you have no idea."
"That good, huh?"
"No, it wasn't even like that. We talked Hols, just talked. It was amazing."
"It must have been, you're giggling like a schoolgirl."
Deb sat down in the pilot's chair, beginning the pre-flight steps from habit. Holi strapped herself into the chair next to her, engaging the nav system.
"Oh Hols, it was unbelievable. We started to kiss, and I tried to progress things. He stopped me. At first I was insulted, and started to stomp off. He called me back though, and said in this really soft gentle voice, 'Can't we just get to know each other first? You intrigue me.' We talked for the rest of the night, about everything." Holi glanced in her direction, raising her eyebrows and eliciting another giggle. "Okay, so obviously we didn't talk about everything. We must have talked about almost everything of no consequence, though. I felt, well, please don't take this the wrong way, but I felt like I was normal for a time. Don't get me wrong, I love my life and wouldn't change it for the world, you know that. Most eighteen year old girls haven't spent a decade doing this though, you know? It was nice, for just a few hours, to feel normal."
"I'm happy for you Deb. I really am."
As the atmosphere tinged the windshield orange, Deb broke the silence again, in a pleading tone she almost never used. "Hey Hols?" "Yeah." "Do you think we could come back next week?" "Whatever makes you happy, you know that." "Thanks Hols. Now let's plan for tonight's job." The rest of the trip was spent in the mapping out of the tricks of their trade.
Chapter 2
twenty years later
"What are we going to do?" Mara's voice could become shrill when she was nervous, and the pieces of shredded napkin littering the dull brown carpet belied the fact that she was very, very nervous. Not like Daniel wouldn't have known even without the tell tale tissue, he was certain that soon the carpet would be permanently worn into the pattern of her pacing. "They are just kids, Dan, and they have no where else to go. Do you know what will happen to those girls if they end up back on the street?"
"Yes, Mara, I know." burying his head in his hands, Daniel indulged in a momentary expression of frustration- tousling his hair, prematurely salt and pepper, roughly with his fingers.
Monday, November 1, 2010
break the circle,
In what i've begun calling a fit of selfish masochism, i've signed up for nanowrimo 2010. i meant to begin my novel here last night, and fell asleep after that first sentence. whoops. watch this space for further development.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
stay all day with you.
Once again, it's been too long since i've posted. this may not be much of a post anyway, as i'm a mite bit distracted. we're going through the looping conversation again. i've not had a car for around three weeks now. mom doesn't deal very well with this. actually, she's been off lately. it seems like it's been this way every since her med change- she was without briefly, and then the dose was upped. the medicine is supposed, i think, to help her maintain her emotions- but she seems more confused and antsy than before. this may warrant a call to her doctor tomorrow.
she's been doing well with her day center, thank and praise God!!!!! (for all!!!!!). she only goes two days a week, and she fights on the way to it and while getting ready for it, but she seems to have fun whilst there. the problem with that is bubs said someone was yelling at another man- one of the staff. i'm going to call tomorrow i think and report it. i am not paying to send my mom somewhere she might get yelled at.
the nurse practitioner wants to send me to a nuerologist maybe, because of my head pains, and the confusion i was having before. "because of my family history" she said. now i'm sure nothing's wrong, and i think she doesn't think anything is either, but the idea is a little scary, especially on days like yesterday where i couldn't dredge up terms like "cookies and cream" while ordering ice cream at first. i'm hoping it's my normal hypochondria, and my worrying about it making it seem more drastic. it seems to be worse around my period actually, this summer was when i first noticed it as i caught myself saying one thing but thinking to say another, writing half of numbers and then catching it, and returning to my former speech impediment (catching myself catch up on r's and w's sounds).
she also wants me to get my heart checked. again, it's for the problems i've had for years. jump in my chest that can be strong enough to make me cough. i think she's just overly cautious, but while she thinks it's fine she says it's her job to make sure there's nothing wrong. she had me do bloodwork, but i wasn't able to keep the appointment to discuss it because of the no car situation. i'm trying not to tell anyone any of this. i don't want to be told i'm a hypochondriac again, even while i hope i am. so i don't plan on keeping that appointment until i have a car again, and no one needs to know. when she tells me i'm fine, that way, no one else will think i was being stupid. when she first ordered the ekg and halter test, i never did them. the "feeling myself breathe" went away, and my sister lectured me again that i have anxiety and am fine. but when i went back to the doctor because my head was hurting, she lectured me because i hadn't had the tests she ordered. sigh. oh well.
of course please don't take me seriously. i am fine, i'm sure, Lord willing. and God takes care of me and seems, by His grace, Lord willing, to be patient with my hypochondria. here's praying i always stay fine. :OD.
this is my blog though, and thus my place to type out even the silly things.
okay, mom's mumbled expletives, etc. continue. i'm tired, and may take a nap prior to my five o'clock Bible study. i think my youth group is ending. i wonder a bit if this is God's way of preparing for me to leave the church.
she's been doing well with her day center, thank and praise God!!!!! (for all!!!!!). she only goes two days a week, and she fights on the way to it and while getting ready for it, but she seems to have fun whilst there. the problem with that is bubs said someone was yelling at another man- one of the staff. i'm going to call tomorrow i think and report it. i am not paying to send my mom somewhere she might get yelled at.
the nurse practitioner wants to send me to a nuerologist maybe, because of my head pains, and the confusion i was having before. "because of my family history" she said. now i'm sure nothing's wrong, and i think she doesn't think anything is either, but the idea is a little scary, especially on days like yesterday where i couldn't dredge up terms like "cookies and cream" while ordering ice cream at first. i'm hoping it's my normal hypochondria, and my worrying about it making it seem more drastic. it seems to be worse around my period actually, this summer was when i first noticed it as i caught myself saying one thing but thinking to say another, writing half of numbers and then catching it, and returning to my former speech impediment (catching myself catch up on r's and w's sounds).
she also wants me to get my heart checked. again, it's for the problems i've had for years. jump in my chest that can be strong enough to make me cough. i think she's just overly cautious, but while she thinks it's fine she says it's her job to make sure there's nothing wrong. she had me do bloodwork, but i wasn't able to keep the appointment to discuss it because of the no car situation. i'm trying not to tell anyone any of this. i don't want to be told i'm a hypochondriac again, even while i hope i am. so i don't plan on keeping that appointment until i have a car again, and no one needs to know. when she tells me i'm fine, that way, no one else will think i was being stupid. when she first ordered the ekg and halter test, i never did them. the "feeling myself breathe" went away, and my sister lectured me again that i have anxiety and am fine. but when i went back to the doctor because my head was hurting, she lectured me because i hadn't had the tests she ordered. sigh. oh well.
of course please don't take me seriously. i am fine, i'm sure, Lord willing. and God takes care of me and seems, by His grace, Lord willing, to be patient with my hypochondria. here's praying i always stay fine. :OD.
this is my blog though, and thus my place to type out even the silly things.
okay, mom's mumbled expletives, etc. continue. i'm tired, and may take a nap prior to my five o'clock Bible study. i think my youth group is ending. i wonder a bit if this is God's way of preparing for me to leave the church.
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