There's a phrase which has been driving me crazy lately. It's meant well, and it very well may be true, so generally i manage at least not to say anything caustic. It's a simple phrase, and adaptable to many situations and many variations. Here it is, "Oh, that's because you don't have kids. When you have kids.....". At lunch with a group of co-workers, who are on weight watchers, when i tell them my plan of exercising instead of dieting, "Enjoy it, you won't have time when you have kids." Right now i am drawing a blank on the other time it was said (edit: eventually i remembered, it was about working a second job), but i wish i weren't, because it annoyed me enough that i almost snapped at the woman. My reasoning for being annoyed is really groundless. I don't have kids, and realize that my world would change if i did. Kids require twenty-four hour care. Kids require money. I get that. Here's what annoys me though-
People assume that being in your thirties and not having kids makes you a bastion of care free money and time.
It's as if just because i don't have kids, i don't have responsibilities. i am the sex and the city ladies, living the glamorous party life, going out whenever i want, spending time however i want, carefree. When i get my paycheck, i'll spend it on my rent and what little food fills my bachelorette pad, and then go out to movies and concerts and eat exciting food with exciting men.
Yeah, no. Now i realize that i am really bad at this housewife stuff. Right now, for instance, i could be cleaning, and instead i'm blogging with the scant hour i have before going back to work (whoops a phone call means i will be walking the dog in a minute so, so still not cleaning). Here's the thing though- in many ways i feel like a wife and mom.
My paycheck this weekend, well, i did go shopping with it. I bought shoes for myself, my brother, and my mom. I bought him a new shirt for school. I bought slipper socks for my aunt in the hospital. I attended an appointment Saturday morning to fill out my aunt's admissions paperwork to her therapy floor. (By the way, i was up at about six-thirty or seven am so i could exercise before that.) Then, i went and spent $130 on groceries, saving $20 with my coupons. i did spend money on three books ($3.75 on sale a piece) and some picture frames for my office, and a box of candy, that is true.
Today is a Monday. I got up this morning and went to work. There, i am working on a 1.6 million dollar grant. Tonight, we're going to my night job. Bubs had to work, so mom is going with me, and i'm praising God that it's warm enough out there for her to ride along and sit in the car.
The house is a mess, if i don't clean it. Tonight i have to write a check for our home insurance, or it will be canceled. The electricity almost was, before i paid that one. Sometimes i move money around from mom's account to mine to pay.
Well, i saved this when i walked the dog with said friend. It's now Saturday, and I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. Still, i wanted to finish and send this out (then i really ought to edit my grant, instead of the sleep which my body is screaming for).
So here is the point to sum up this post: Praise God! thank God! (for all) that my life is great right now. :OD. This is not to complain about it. Plus, i respect parents, and realize that i can leave mom alone, and that my life is not like having kids, etc. Even today, though, a friend made a casual comment, related to this post. So to underscore my thesis, i have a simple respectful request: please, dear parents, don't assume that you have the market on being responsible and caring for people. The rest of us who, despite being unmarried non-parents don't live like our television single thirty-something counterparts, don't always appreciate hearing how much harder our lives will be when we become you. Thanks.
aww, mindy, you have a trump card that you never really play: You are a care-giver. And as you know from the many conversations that we've had interrupted by those we care for, your care-giving efforts are no less than mine. The funny thing is that these women who are going to weight watchers (and good for them for getting there, really) have someone else to watch their kids while they are at the meetings. In fact, many mothers, while hard workers, have a lot of help. And I envy them just a little bit. I think moms get into a survivalist mode when they have infants that can and do wake them up every hour of the day and require constant care. At that point, you are no longer the same person. But it is a blessedly brief period of life (unless you keep on having kids - and even then, let's say with 10 kids, the period of intense care-taking is only about 20 years, which is only 25% of your life anyway. but that is a separate hobby horse of mine.), and yet, I think most moms get stuck in the mindset that their whole lives are in service, even as their kids go off to school during the day. Not to mention, even with 2 very demanding littles, I still got out to exercise twice a week with them in a stroller. Being a mom is not an easy job. It is a job, and it is unrelenting. And it does change your life. But I think that moms that complain about it and look enviously at the unattached are missing something vital. As you know, being a caretaker, each moment of your life is imbued with a purpose that transcends your self. I think about my carefree life before, and a life without cares is the life that is empty and lacking in meaning. No, obviously I think that the single life can be consecrated and purposeful, but I'm lazy and therefore had to be given an unrelenting purpose to my life. Which you have too, in the person you take care of. I'm sorry that those ladies don't get it.
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