Last night i desperately wanted to call and unload on the texan (the middle sister). You see, it used to be her responsibility to care for the family. She decided at one point (we discussed while in england one day, on an honest, adult walk and talk expedition) that she no longer wanted to carry this responsibility, and i agreed to take it on.
That was then, before mom developed dementia, before bubs developed depression and a drinking problem, before murfle (eldest sister with a mental illness) lost yet another job and started asking me to move in home.
i still haven't forgiven her for running away to texas, i'll admit it. she moved across the country, knowing that mom had dementia (though bubs had not yet gotten bad). She then proceeded to get married, and pregnant, so that she wouldn't come back. Now she is harder to get ahold of. She says the baby makes her tired.
i wanted, last night, when bubs got very drunk, and started declaring to mom and i that he had no intentions to live till forty, and that he just used the booze to kill the pain, to call her and unload on her. It was a low point, as i lay in bed, on the verge of crying, though i realized that God was in control of everything.
Tonight, though, i spoke to the texan, and heard that she was worried about the baby. She was in need. So i kept my mouth shut.
God is in control. Of all of us. In Him i can do anything, including deal with life now. Better yet, He is responsible for all of it, and i don't have to take care of anyone. Lord, please take control of it. i really can't handle it (or anything) without You.
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